Posts Tagged ‘Asperger’

Another lonesome Valentines Day.

This time of year can be especially hard for people who are socially awkward. During the Holiday season we celebrate families and for a lot of socially awkward people such as people with Aspergers or other Autism Spectrum disorders they don’t have a family of their own. Some of us still have parents or friends that we can celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years Eve with but for too many people on the spectrum, they have nobody to spend the Holidays with. I’m fortunate to have parents and brothers to spend the Holidays with. It can be hard during the Holiday season since a lot of us wanted to be married and have a family of our own. We really don’t get to play Santa Claus since we don’t have a family and do not enjoy a nice Christmas Eve looking at Christmas lights with a loved one since we are not married. It can really be tough since you long for what many people take for granted. Of course there are others who have it worse than we do such as people who are homeless or a family who is trying to give their children the best presents but due to their financial situation cannot provide the toys that their classmates get for Christmas. I remember years ago someone writing a Letter to the Editor in a local newspaper complaining how the person she selected for the “Angel Tree&quote; wanted an expensive toy. There isn’t any difference between children from families who are poor and they want the same toys as middle class and upper class children want. They probably haven’t realized that their parents are poor and they wish Santa will bring the same gifts to them that their richer classmates receive. It’s a magical time for children but as children we don’t realize how much our parents sacrifice to make our Christmas a good one and give our children everything on their list. Some parents end up working a second job to provide their children a good Christmas. I guess this is where people on the spectrum or for other reasons don’t have children can help the less fortunate to have a Merry Christmas. During the Holiday season you start to realize what a void your life is without a significant other. You long for a significant other like a child from a family that is less fortunate wants the toys that every other child receives.

Right after the holiday season you get another reminder of how empty your life is without a significant other and how much you long for someone to love you. Valentines Day was created by the card and diamond industry to celebrate love but when you have no significant other there really isn’t any reason to celebrate. It gets depressing when you realize how some people take for granted having a significant other not realizing that there are some people who will never have a significant other. For us, Valentines Day is rough on us and for many years I would cross out the February 14th date on my calendar to indicate that it isn’t anything special for me. Unfortunately there isn’t a cure for being lonely and it is painful and depressing realizing others will spend Valentines Day with a significant other while you won’t be celebrating Valentines Day at all. Valentines Day can be a rough day for the unfortunate people who are lonely.

I’ve had some really rough Valentines Day’s in my life! Sometimes I’ve had to deal with rejection from women who didn’t appreciate receiving a Valentine from me. Sometimes someone would play a sick joke on a woman who disliked me by giving her a Valentine and putting my name on it so that she thinks it came from me. When this woman tells me that she didn’t appreciate my “Valentine” it really angers them when I deny giving them the Valentine. It seems they don’t realize that this was some sick prank. Of course if it didn’t happen to me I wouldn’t think of this happening to someone else. My absolute worst Valentines Day has to be during my senior year in high school. Some guy met a woman at a party that either his disliked or just wanted to play a sick prank on me or her. I received a call from some woman I supposedly met around 1 AM after I got home from work. After I didn’t seem to know who she was one of her friends got on the lines and complimented for making her friend cry. For months after this Valentines Day I kept getting threatening calls from this woman whom I’ve never met and didn’t recognize her name when she told me who she was. She had an unusual name so it was impossible for someone to forget this name. Her friends figured that I simply met their friend and decided to act like I have no idea who she was if she calls me. This was before caller ID so I had no idea who it was that called me and I started receiving death threats from her friends such as telling me that I better “watch my back”. My dad intervened and started answering for me and telling these people that I am not home and also had them make threats towards me such as telling my dad that they know that I’m home. The police were notified and they started wiretapping our phone but by the time they started tapping the phone they stopped calling. I had no idea who these people were but they seemed to know who I was. There was no woman by this unusual name that attended my school so I assume that she attended another school but some of her friends attended my school or knew someone who does. They knew things that only someone who actually attends school with me knew so I can say at least some of these friends did attend the same school as me. It was scary since I was receiving threats from people whom I have no idea who they were and they wouldn’t give me a chance to explain that I have no idea who this woman who called me was and this appears to be some sick prank. I imagine if I got a chance to explain they wouldn’t believe me since they were convinced that it was me that was with their friend and why would someone play such a sick prank on their friend? Most likely this prank was intended for me similar to an earlier prank where someone was stopped by the police and gave the police my name when they were questioned. My parents were called to come to the station but my parents realized that I was in my room and not in police custody. Unfortunately my parents had gotten off the phone and were ready to drive to the station until they realized I was home. It would have been great if my parents knew that I was home and told the police that it is impossible for the person they have in custody to be me since I’m at home with them. Even though they were Juveniles, they still may get into some trouble for making a false statement to police especially telling a police officer that they are someone that they are not. I really wished that the police were able to trace the threatening calls and confront these people. Perhaps they would be more likely to believe me if the police explained to them that this was some sick prank. I was afraid to go to class during my senior year and often cut class since I realized that these people seemed serious with their threats and they weren’t going to call again and risk being caught by police. If they intended to carry out their threat, they would do it without calling first. Since the police talked to the administrators, I’m sure word got around that the police are investigating threats made towards me and someone may have been able to warn these people that if they call me again they could be arrested.

Valentine’s day tends to bring back all those memories of all those bad Valentine’s Days I had as well as more recent rejection. It’s hard to accept that the people who made fun of you in high school were able to find someone but you can’t. I even had students who told me that I will never get married. Unfortunately they are right! I thought of committing suicide during me senior year in high school but was reassured by school officials that everything will get better and that women will “mature” and pick people like me. I wish I had the knowledge I had back then to realize they don’t know what they were talking about. The only reason I didn’t commit suicide during my senior year is because I couldn’t help to realize how devastated my family would be if I were to commit suicide. In addition, the people who made fun of me would have a field day if I committed suicide. I just turned 46 which is far outside of the age people get married. I am old enough to be a dad to the average single women these days! It really hurts that I could not find love and have had to spend Valentine’s day alone all these years. In a way I wish I had the guts to take my life back then. I didn’t want to be alone for the rest of my life and didn’t realize at the time that I was going to be lonely for the rest of my life. People take for granted that they have someone who loves them and someone they can talk to when they had a bad day. Someone who will give them a hug when they urgently need one.