Posts Tagged ‘hate’

Why I won’t be attending my class reunion

For many people high school is a golden time of their life that they wish that they could return to. Unfortunately my high school experience wasn’t golden. I was treated poorly by classmates and was hated by many classmates, many classmates were going on their first dates but I was hated by women so I didn’t really have dates, and I also had no friends making me lonely. During my senior year I thought of committing suicide. By the time I graduated in 1989 I was emotionally drained and wanted to forget about my high school days. This year is the 30th anniversary of my class and they plan to hold a reunion. I won’t be going to this reunion for three reasons. First because I wasn’t well liked by most of my classmates and they would rather not see me anyway. Second, I have been depressed and lonely and bringing back the bad memories from high school will make me even more depressed. Finally, many of my classmates predicted that I would never get married and that I would be a failure. I don’t really want them to tell me how right they were that I would not be married and even though I’ve had some success in my life it isn’t as much success that I wanted and they would probably still find a way to tell me that I’m a failure. I even waged a bet with 5 of my classmates in a metal shop class who predicted that I would never be married during our 25 year reunion and bet me $20 that I wouldn’t be married. We didn’t hold a 25 year reunion but at 30 years I am unmarried and gave up looking.

Many of my classmates disliked me and perhaps I caused some of the hate but many always saw me as different and made fun of me. Many made fun of me and some would get upset with me even if I try to say hello to them. I dealt with some who happened to see me in college and they let me know that they felt that I didn’t belong in college. I was depressed in high school due to all the rejection and often longed for a friend that I never had in high school. For a while I had a friend but he graduated early and during my junior year he studied in Germany. I also faced a lot of rejection and eventually thought about committing suicide and in a way felt I should have went with my plan to commit suicide back then even though it would have hurt my family so badly. When I talked to counselors they kept reassuring me that women will eventually “grow up” shortly after high school and I would find a woman interested in me. This of course never happened and I faced the same rejection I had in high school in college. Ironically the primary reason I went to college was to find a woman.

My time in high school had many negative memories that I don’t want to relive. From the teasing by classmates, students who hated me and let me know it, and the constant rejection when looking for a friend. To this day simple things bring back bad memories. For example, I may see a young couple and it brings back memories and me wishing that I would have found some woman who was interested in me. It also reminds me how lonely I currently am and how at 48 it is safe to say I will be lonely for the remainder of my life. Seeing the students who ridiculed me will definitely bring back some bad memories and make me even more depressed. Especially seeing people who were total jerks to me being happily married and me in the same situation I was back in high school, lonely and wishing some woman loved me.

Finally, most of my classmates wouldn’t want me there anyway or they want me there for the wrong reasons such as to tell me that they told me so that I wouldn’t ever get married or that I would be a failure. With me already in a depressed mood this will make me even more depressed and longing for friends. It’s bad enough facing being lonely. I am certain that I will be unable to deal with classmates telling me that I was wrong and the ones I made bets with will probably remember this bet that I wouldn’t be married during our 25 year reunion. It will also be hard for me to see women who rejected me back in high school.

For many, high school is a golden time of their life but for other people like me, high school wasn’t that great of a time and you wish that you could forget your time in high school. Many people wish that their high school days could last forever and have fond memories of their high school days such as going to a prom, etc.