Why I won’t be attending my class reunion

For many people high school is a golden time of their life that they wish that they could return to. Unfortunately my high school experience wasn’t golden. I was treated poorly by classmates and was hated by many classmates, many classmates were going on their first dates but I was hated by women so I didn’t really have dates, and I also had no friends making me lonely. During my senior year I thought of committing suicide. By the time I graduated in 1989 I was emotionally drained and wanted to forget about my high school days. This year is the 30th anniversary of my class and they plan to hold a reunion. I won’t be going to this reunion for three reasons. First because I wasn’t well liked by most of my classmates and they would rather not see me anyway. Second, I have been depressed and lonely and bringing back the bad memories from high school will make me even more depressed. Finally, many of my classmates predicted that I would never get married and that I would be a failure. I don’t really want them to tell me how right they were that I would not be married and even though I’ve had some success in my life it isn’t as much success that I wanted and they would probably still find a way to tell me that I’m a failure. I even waged a bet with 5 of my classmates in a metal shop class who predicted that I would never be married during our 25 year reunion and bet me $20 that I wouldn’t be married. We didn’t hold a 25 year reunion but at 30 years I am unmarried and gave up looking.

Many of my classmates disliked me and perhaps I caused some of the hate but many always saw me as different and made fun of me. Many made fun of me and some would get upset with me even if I try to say hello to them. I dealt with some who happened to see me in college and they let me know that they felt that I didn’t belong in college. I was depressed in high school due to all the rejection and often longed for a friend that I never had in high school. For a while I had a friend but he graduated early and during my junior year he studied in Germany. I also faced a lot of rejection and eventually thought about committing suicide and in a way felt I should have went with my plan to commit suicide back then even though it would have hurt my family so badly. When I talked to counselors they kept reassuring me that women will eventually “grow up” shortly after high school and I would find a woman interested in me. This of course never happened and I faced the same rejection I had in high school in college. Ironically the primary reason I went to college was to find a woman.

My time in high school had many negative memories that I don’t want to relive. From the teasing by classmates, students who hated me and let me know it, and the constant rejection when looking for a friend. To this day simple things bring back bad memories. For example, I may see a young couple and it brings back memories and me wishing that I would have found some woman who was interested in me. It also reminds me how lonely I currently am and how at 48 it is safe to say I will be lonely for the remainder of my life. Seeing the students who ridiculed me will definitely bring back some bad memories and make me even more depressed. Especially seeing people who were total jerks to me being happily married and me in the same situation I was back in high school, lonely and wishing some woman loved me.

Finally, most of my classmates wouldn’t want me there anyway or they want me there for the wrong reasons such as to tell me that they told me so that I wouldn’t ever get married or that I would be a failure. With me already in a depressed mood this will make me even more depressed and longing for friends. It’s bad enough facing being lonely. I am certain that I will be unable to deal with classmates telling me that I was wrong and the ones I made bets with will probably remember this bet that I wouldn’t be married during our 25 year reunion. It will also be hard for me to see women who rejected me back in high school.

For many, high school is a golden time of their life but for other people like me, high school wasn’t that great of a time and you wish that you could forget your time in high school. Many people wish that their high school days could last forever and have fond memories of their high school days such as going to a prom, etc.

Hating myself and thinking of death.

 

Things haven’t gone so well for me in 2019. This will be the 30th year since high school and I won’t be one of the people who go to my class reunion since so many classmates hated me. In fact, there is one group of guys that will be there whom I made a bet back in a metal shop class that I won’t be married during the 25 year reunion. My class skipped their 25 year reunion so this technically will be my 25 year reunion. With it already being 30 years it has been hard for me to see all the classmates who ridiculed me get married but it never happened to me. I often think of what happens when I get old since I have nobody to take care of me. I also am depressed that I’m so lonely and there is nothing that I can do about it. I also wanted to be a father but these dreams are gone.

I have tried to forget my high school days but there is always something that brings back such rough memories. Whether it is seeing classmates with kids and being happily married, seeing a young couple, or simply seeing some simple thing brings back these terrible memories. For example, if I see a last name similar to a classmates last name or see a classmate mentioned in the paper it quickly brings back these memories. As I mentioned in a previous blog I never had a great time in high school and during my senior year thought about suicide and even thought about carrying it out. Counselors found out about my plans since I left a suicide note to be found thinking I would get help. I thought that perhaps I could have my brain fixed and enjoy a woman like my classmates and not be stupid and made fun of because of it. If I realized that nothing would help me I wouldn’t have left the note to be found and just carried out the suicide. At the time I couldn’t deal with people hating me and calling me a “retard”. It was also difficult for me since I seemed to be stupid and always seemed to do dump things while driving and causing people to hate me. About the only things I learned from this was that I cannot be helped and that my family would have been devastated if I ended my life successfully. I feared that I would live a lonely life, be treated with disrespect all my life, and would lose my drivers license. I feared not living the normal life.

Fast forward 30 years and I now know I will never get married. I also am still ridiculed for being stupid just not as much as when I was in high school. I also seemed to be a stupid driver. After high school, I developed a deep sense of self hatred and would punch myself if I angered someone. At the time I wasn’t seeing a Psychiatrist (It’s a long story of why I stopped seeing a psychiatrist) and had a brother who thought that I was doing it for attention. I went back to the Psychiatrist and had a new diagnosis called Generalized Anxiety Disorder/Social Anxiety. I was originally diagnosed with Schizophrenia but after seeing the same Psychiatrist he decided that I didn’t have Schizophrenia. For years I took nearly every anti-depressant out there and a couple of anti-anxiety medications. None of these seemed to help and my Psychiatrist concluded that my claims that I was angering other motorists was either a hallucination or me setting myself up to fail. During this time I still felt self-conscious of driving but avoided hitting myself like I did before. The medications were also supposed to help me better relax in social situations which didn’t happen so other anti-depressants were tried until I basically tried nearly all anti-depressants out there. At the time my psychiatrist was considering that I had something else other than social anxiety or generalized social anxiety I think he even mentioned one time as an example, Asperger’s but cannot remember if this was the word he mentioned as a possibility. At this time my psychiatrist was about to retire and I was referred to another psychiatrist. During this time I was also seeing therapists and went through a lot of them as they left.

I was assigned to another psychiatrist and eventually change to another therapist. During this time I was talking to this new therapist who is my current therapist and she saw signs that I may have a disease called Asperger’s. After some tests she gave me an unofficial diagnosis of Asperger’s. As mentioned in my earlier blogs this was mixed news. The good news is it seems that now I know what was wrong with me and Asperger’s seemed to explain my problems much better than Schizophrenia, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, or Social Anxiety. The bad news of course is that Asperger’s has no cure.

After angering a co-worker at work with my driving I have concluded that I am simply unable to drive. So now I am robbed of a relationship with a woman, I am robbed of having a normal brain, and now may have to give up driving. I’ve developed a great deal of hatred towards myself especially after angering this co-worker who seemed to be a great person and before seemed to like me. I’m realizing that Asperger’s is nothing more than a curse and it looks like I cannot live a normal life. Once again my hatred has been so intense that I keep thinking of this co-worker and others and start punching myself in the brain. I’m sick of being hated by others and I’m realizing that I’m simply a worthless person and don’t want to rely on mass transit. Especially when I won’t have the freedom to go camping, fishing, etc since a bus doesn’t go to the back country. I’m realizing that I should have committed suicide back in high school as the life I feared is here and I simply don’t want to live this kind of life. It’s bad enough being lonely. The only problem this time is that I know how devastated my family will be if I commit suicide. The problem is I cannot stand being hated and knowing that I am unable to live a normal life because of Asperger’s. They will always blame themselves for what happened if I do commit suicide. The problem is I don’t want to go through the hell anymore especially realizing that I have lost everything that I feared most in my life. I’ve concluded that I am a bad person to be a bad driver and that if I cannot handle the simple function of driving a car than I am worthless. I will not be respected by my peers and already caused co-workers to hate me due to my driving. I don’t see me as a real human being. I see myself as a piece of garbage and know that I deserve all the hatred I am currently going through and the hatred I faced all my life.

Another lonesome Valentines Day.

This time of year can be especially hard for people who are socially awkward. During the Holiday season we celebrate families and for a lot of socially awkward people such as people with Aspergers or other Autism Spectrum disorders they don’t have a family of their own. Some of us still have parents or friends that we can celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years Eve with but for too many people on the spectrum, they have nobody to spend the Holidays with. I’m fortunate to have parents and brothers to spend the Holidays with. It can be hard during the Holiday season since a lot of us wanted to be married and have a family of our own. We really don’t get to play Santa Claus since we don’t have a family and do not enjoy a nice Christmas Eve looking at Christmas lights with a loved one since we are not married. It can really be tough since you long for what many people take for granted. Of course there are others who have it worse than we do such as people who are homeless or a family who is trying to give their children the best presents but due to their financial situation cannot provide the toys that their classmates get for Christmas. I remember years ago someone writing a Letter to the Editor in a local newspaper complaining how the person she selected for the “Angel Tree&quote; wanted an expensive toy. There isn’t any difference between children from families who are poor and they want the same toys as middle class and upper class children want. They probably haven’t realized that their parents are poor and they wish Santa will bring the same gifts to them that their richer classmates receive. It’s a magical time for children but as children we don’t realize how much our parents sacrifice to make our Christmas a good one and give our children everything on their list. Some parents end up working a second job to provide their children a good Christmas. I guess this is where people on the spectrum or for other reasons don’t have children can help the less fortunate to have a Merry Christmas. During the Holiday season you start to realize what a void your life is without a significant other. You long for a significant other like a child from a family that is less fortunate wants the toys that every other child receives.

Right after the holiday season you get another reminder of how empty your life is without a significant other and how much you long for someone to love you. Valentines Day was created by the card and diamond industry to celebrate love but when you have no significant other there really isn’t any reason to celebrate. It gets depressing when you realize how some people take for granted having a significant other not realizing that there are some people who will never have a significant other. For us, Valentines Day is rough on us and for many years I would cross out the February 14th date on my calendar to indicate that it isn’t anything special for me. Unfortunately there isn’t a cure for being lonely and it is painful and depressing realizing others will spend Valentines Day with a significant other while you won’t be celebrating Valentines Day at all. Valentines Day can be a rough day for the unfortunate people who are lonely.

I’ve had some really rough Valentines Day’s in my life! Sometimes I’ve had to deal with rejection from women who didn’t appreciate receiving a Valentine from me. Sometimes someone would play a sick joke on a woman who disliked me by giving her a Valentine and putting my name on it so that she thinks it came from me. When this woman tells me that she didn’t appreciate my “Valentine” it really angers them when I deny giving them the Valentine. It seems they don’t realize that this was some sick prank. Of course if it didn’t happen to me I wouldn’t think of this happening to someone else. My absolute worst Valentines Day has to be during my senior year in high school. Some guy met a woman at a party that either his disliked or just wanted to play a sick prank on me or her. I received a call from some woman I supposedly met around 1 AM after I got home from work. After I didn’t seem to know who she was one of her friends got on the lines and complimented for making her friend cry. For months after this Valentines Day I kept getting threatening calls from this woman whom I’ve never met and didn’t recognize her name when she told me who she was. She had an unusual name so it was impossible for someone to forget this name. Her friends figured that I simply met their friend and decided to act like I have no idea who she was if she calls me. This was before caller ID so I had no idea who it was that called me and I started receiving death threats from her friends such as telling me that I better “watch my back”. My dad intervened and started answering for me and telling these people that I am not home and also had them make threats towards me such as telling my dad that they know that I’m home. The police were notified and they started wiretapping our phone but by the time they started tapping the phone they stopped calling. I had no idea who these people were but they seemed to know who I was. There was no woman by this unusual name that attended my school so I assume that she attended another school but some of her friends attended my school or knew someone who does. They knew things that only someone who actually attends school with me knew so I can say at least some of these friends did attend the same school as me. It was scary since I was receiving threats from people whom I have no idea who they were and they wouldn’t give me a chance to explain that I have no idea who this woman who called me was and this appears to be some sick prank. I imagine if I got a chance to explain they wouldn’t believe me since they were convinced that it was me that was with their friend and why would someone play such a sick prank on their friend? Most likely this prank was intended for me similar to an earlier prank where someone was stopped by the police and gave the police my name when they were questioned. My parents were called to come to the station but my parents realized that I was in my room and not in police custody. Unfortunately my parents had gotten off the phone and were ready to drive to the station until they realized I was home. It would have been great if my parents knew that I was home and told the police that it is impossible for the person they have in custody to be me since I’m at home with them. Even though they were Juveniles, they still may get into some trouble for making a false statement to police especially telling a police officer that they are someone that they are not. I really wished that the police were able to trace the threatening calls and confront these people. Perhaps they would be more likely to believe me if the police explained to them that this was some sick prank. I was afraid to go to class during my senior year and often cut class since I realized that these people seemed serious with their threats and they weren’t going to call again and risk being caught by police. If they intended to carry out their threat, they would do it without calling first. Since the police talked to the administrators, I’m sure word got around that the police are investigating threats made towards me and someone may have been able to warn these people that if they call me again they could be arrested.

Valentine’s day tends to bring back all those memories of all those bad Valentine’s Days I had as well as more recent rejection. It’s hard to accept that the people who made fun of you in high school were able to find someone but you can’t. I even had students who told me that I will never get married. Unfortunately they are right! I thought of committing suicide during me senior year in high school but was reassured by school officials that everything will get better and that women will “mature” and pick people like me. I wish I had the knowledge I had back then to realize they don’t know what they were talking about. The only reason I didn’t commit suicide during my senior year is because I couldn’t help to realize how devastated my family would be if I were to commit suicide. In addition, the people who made fun of me would have a field day if I committed suicide. I just turned 46 which is far outside of the age people get married. I am old enough to be a dad to the average single women these days! It really hurts that I could not find love and have had to spend Valentine’s day alone all these years. In a way I wish I had the guts to take my life back then. I didn’t want to be alone for the rest of my life and didn’t realize at the time that I was going to be lonely for the rest of my life. People take for granted that they have someone who loves them and someone they can talk to when they had a bad day. Someone who will give them a hug when they urgently need one.

Valentines day with Aspergers

   I just got through Christmas which can by a trying time for someone with Aspergers. People my age usually have families which I don’t have. It would be great to play Santa Claus and surprise your kids with gifts they asked for but never thought they would receive. They are like Ralphie from A Christmas Story asking Santa since he is the "head honcho" for things like a red ryder BB gun. Of course the biggest gift I wanted when I was a kid was a Commodore® 64 and was surprised one Christmas morning to find a Commodore® 64 as a gift from Santa. I always wished I had a wife that I can enjoy Christmas with and kids to give gifts to. The day after Christmas all stores seem to immediately put up Valentines day displays. I enjoy the wide selecition of Valentines day candy more than I do Christmas candy but I can’t remember ever having a great Valentines day. It is a celebration of love and when you are without a "Valentine" it can be tough.

   It is hard seeing all the advertisements for Valentines day and it seems that everyone has a "Valentine" to buy gifts for. There has been so many times that I have wished that there was a woman who loved me and I could give her a Valentines day gift to show my love and appreciation for her. It would also be nice to receive a gift from a woman who
is showing her love for me. Unfortunately this never happened. It’s a little harder this year since about this time last year I found out that a girl that I liked who worked in the same building as me didn’t like me. I noticed her four years ago and thought she was cute. At first I didn’t have the guts to walk up to her since I have been rejected by most women. I finally had the guts to talk to her and for a while she acted nice to me and it seemed we had some things in common. She was divorced and wasn’t interested in re-marrying but I wasn’t too interested in jumping into marriage. She had some interests similar to me too. I asked her out a few times but she politely refused. One day she started avoiding me and from what I gather she just wasn’t interested in me and was probably someone who felt sorry for me and was only being nice to me since she was a nice person who didn’t want be mean to me and tell me to get lost like other women do. Finally she started avoiding me which really hurt me. For a lot of men, they would move onto some other woman but for someone like me there are few women who have interests in me. We are seen as weird by women (as well as men) and Lana became yet another woman who I would love to have spent time with but she had no intentions of hanging out with me! It’s really hard for people with Aspergers to pick up social cues and I imagine she gave me several hints that she simply wasn’t interested and was only being nice to me because she didn’t want to be mean to me but since I didn’t get the message that she wasn’t interested in even being friends, she was forced to avoid me. This was devastating for me! People say that you get over rejections but when you are repeatedly rejected it hurts. Especially when most of the women you approach tell you in very certain terms that they are not interested in you and you simply cannot find any women who will even go on a date with you let alone love you.

   A lot of my Valentines days have been very disappointing! One year during my senior year in high school some classmate met a woman he didn’t want to be with or wanted to pull a sick joke. He left my name and phone number to a woman named "Tressie". I am unsure if this was her correct name but this is what it sounded like she said her name was. She mentioned that we met a while back at a party and since I had never called back she decided to call. Even though I wasn’t invited to many high school parties I assumed that perhaps I did meet this woman at a party and tried to "remember". Unfortunately she realized I didn’t remember her and got upset. She had some friends who began calling me for over a month harassing me because she felt so bad and they probably figured I was trying to act like I didn’t remember her when it later became obvious that I never met this woman. During my senior year which was already a rough year I was receiving threats from people I had no idea who they were! I was even told that I "better watch my back" since friends of "Tressie" planned to retaliate. I called the South Ogden Police Department and contacted Bonneville High School. The police tried to trace these calls and the Administrators (who I didn’t trust) assured me that I am safe at Bonneville High. I ended up cutting class for the rest of the semester. Luckily I only needed one class in order to graduate from high school and there wasn’t an attendance policy or I would have been forced to go to school when I feared for my personal safety. I was glad to graduate in 1989 and get away from Bonneville High School!

   For people with Aspergers and other disabilities it can be a painful time of year when it comes to Valentines day! I remember my Junior year I had someone send a fake Valentine to a woman who couldn’t stand me. For the rest of my high school life I had this lady walk up to me and tell me how much she hated me! For some reason she still thought I was the one who sent the Valentine even though I told her I wasn’t the person who sent it and I had no interests in her especially since she hates me so much! Why would I continue to pursue someone who hates me so much? Surprisingly with me being shy I did give Valentines to women in high school. None of these women responded. They acted nice to me and told me how much they appreciated receiving a Valentine from me, others weren’t so kind. I tried to make sure women were comfortable with receiving a Valentine from me but there were plenty who didn’t like receiving a Valentine from me.

   In addition to being rejected by women, there are plenty of guys who would love to tell you how you will never be married. I had several classmates in high school
tell me that I would never find a woman and would be single for the rest of my life. I didn’t believe them because it just doesn’t seem to be something that would happen to me.
I saw myself as a nice guy but what I didn’t realize is this isn’t how women saw me. They saw me as weird and a lot of women didn’t want anything to do with me! Very few women
would be willing to go on a date with me! I’m about the only member of Bonneville’s Class of 1989 that has never been married! This is why I don’t attend any class reunions
since I know I will have classmates who will say "I told you so". It is depressing to see people who are total jerks able to find dates and even get married while
you are stuck single because of a defect that you were born with.

   Of course if I were to be attending high school or college today, the Internet is a much more effective way to pull pranks. For example Notre Dame’s Manti Te’o could
possibly be the victim of a sick prank. It is unknown if he knew but his "girlfriend" never existed. It is unknown if he did or didn’t know this but this shows how easy it is for someone to play a sick joke on someone. All you need to do is obtain a photo of some woman/guy and with the anonymity of the Internet you can play a very sick joke! It is unclear if Te’o visited this woman in person or not but easily someone could play a prank where they claim to be a woman who is interested in someone only to be playing a sick joke. A lot of people have done it and I believe a young woman committed suicide a couple years ago after some high school enemies duped her by making a fake Facebook profile of a guy who supposedly liked her. They obtained intimate details from her and after this young woman found out she was the subject of a sick prank, she committed suicide. Unfortunately people can be cruel especially when they have no idea the person they are pulling a prank on will be hurt so badly or they simply don’t care.

   For normal men and women, high school is the time they get their first kiss as well as going on their first date. Unfortunately, not all people experience this and
high school becomes hell! I remember being jealous because there was a total jerk going out with a woman I liked. During class she would sit in a desk behind him and place her feet in his hands to and let him massage her feet since she apparently loved this. I wish I could have been her boyfriend! I witnessed several times in high school where
couples were kissing and I wish that I had some woman who loved me and would give me a kiss! I couldn’t even get a hug from a woman! I would have loved to spend time with a woman
and always thought that even though I seemed different, there was a woman who wouldn’t mind.

   Everybody needs to be loved by someone as well as be able to show their love towards someone! Unfortunately this isn’t an option for a lot of people, especially
people with Aspergers. It’s hard to be told that you will make some woman happy only to realize that they are saying this to convince you that it isn’t hopeless to find someone
when they don’t realize that it really is hopeless for you when you have Aspergers. Some people with Aspergers are able to find love but most people with Aspergers never find love.

What I have missed out in my life because of Aspergers

   I realize that some people consider Aspergers as some kind of blessing since they are talented in some area such as computers like I am, arts, or other fields. Unfortunately every person with Aspergers has one thing in common. They are wired differently than society and have troubles fitting in and socializing which for others is a very simple task. We are often seen as weird and as a result we don’t get to enjoy a normal life. Of course one person recently posted a comment saying that Aspergers is a made up disease. Let me assure this person that there are a lot of people with Aspergers and she has probably even seen someone who has Aspergers. A lot of people are never diagnosed since it is only recently that Aspergers has been thought of as a condition even though two different scientists (one in the United States and one in Germany) studied this disease several years ago around the same time but never contacted each other. They both described patients who had normal and even hire than normal IQ’s but lacked social skills and sometimes even withdrew socially when other kids would play. They also had specialized interests that they focused on. When you are different and not accepted by your peers, you miss out on a lot of things others take for granted. Some of the things I have missed out on as a result of Aspergers which I had my entire life but only a few years ago was diagnosed with it. A lot of these things that I missed out on make me depressed to this day and I continue to miss out on things. There’s plenty of things I’ve miss out on such as:

• No love life – Every one of us wants to love and be loved by a significant other. Unfortunately for a lot of people with Aspergers, there isn’t any romance in their life. No dates to take out to dinner, no person who offers you emotional support, no person to love and be loved by, no person to enjoy special moments with, you simply don’t get to be with a significant other and for me I’ve never been loved by a woman and wish I could be loved by a woman. Regardless of the activity, it is always an enjoyable experience to have a woman to share my time with but I really don’t get this chance. Of course I won’t go into my foot fetish thing but I will say that I long for physical intimacy much more than giving a woman a foot massage! It would be fun to give a woman I love a foot massage but just being with her, hugging her, kissing, and of course sex are much more urgent needs.
• Never will be father – since I most likely will never get married and am now at the old age of 42 it is highly unlikely I will ever be a father! I think everyone wants to have a kid to carry on their legacy. I’ve never really thought of it until recently as I see classmates who have sons and daughters who are now reaching adulthood. I never really thought I would be depressed about never being a father but I can see why it is depressing when everyone wants to carry on the family tree to speak.
• No positive high school memories – Most people look back to their high school years as a golden time in their life. The went to the senior prom and may have went on their first date in high school. I never really got a chance to grow emotionally into an adult and enjoy my high school years like others have. I never went to the prom and was rejected by nearly all women I asked out. My high school days are days I would like to forget.
• Difficulties receiving jobs and promotions – most jobs and promotions are by word of mouth and when you have no friends or network of friends to tell you about these unannounced jobs and promotions, you miss out.
• Unequal education – This may not be as much of an issue with today’s school aged children but when I was in school I was taken out of regular classes and placed in special education classes. These classes were easier and robbed me of the education regular children received. I was constantly told by teachers that I wasn’t “retarded” but was “mentally handicap”. It is a big blow to your self esteem and you never really recover and other school kids make fun of you even more because of you lacking education. When I was in the sixth grade, I was doing 3rd grade level math and did’t learn to divide. I had to catch up but in some subjects I never really caught up. For example, Math and English has special education courses but other classes such as science, history/social studies, etc that everyone takes in grade school was missed. I can say that I have learned that these subjects are very important and there is a lot I missed out on.
• No friends to hang out with – Most people take for granted that they have someone to go to a movie with or talk to. I never really had the enjoyment of having a friend. Especially during my childhood years when I needed this social interaction the most so that I can develop social skills needed as an adult.
• Never getting a chance to enjoy life – when you’re different you encounter harassment and ridicule almost everywhere you go. Even to this day I have had people harass me or make derogatory comments towards me. There’s a lot of bad memories such as the day I went on a date a few years ago and some guy kept looking over at us giving dirty looks. For some reason he didn’t approve of me going on a date or was jealous of the woman I was going out with even though he was also going out with a woman who was equally as attractive as the woman I was with. I think he was just offended to see someone he sees as different on a date for some odd reason. I pissed me off because all I was trying to do was have an enjoyable night and his constant staring freaked out my date and he was also freaking me out. Why was he so offended that I was going out on a date with someone and why is it his business? If he is offended seeing me with someone, why doesn’t he just look the other way. He’s not being forced to see me with some woman. How would he feel if someone felt he shouldn’t be going out with women and began staring at him as he was on a date?
• Not being able to be in public without busybodies harassing you – Anyone who is different than normal attracts attention. I’ve learned that this is especially true when you have people involved in Neighborhood Watch Groups, People who wish they can be a cop, paranoid people, and many others. I remember one day in high school I was driving home from work and noticed some car behind me who was driving without his headlights on. I observed him in my rear-view mirror and noticed that he seemed to be following me. For example, I made a sudden right turn which caught him by surprise and he made an illegal right turn from the outside lane instead of the provided right turn lane. He continued to drive around without his headlights on. I hit a light red and as I was stopped waiting, he got out of his car and knocked on my door. I floored it through a red and he continued following me. I drove halfway from Ogden to Salt Lake City and started to return after taking the Centerville exit and he was still behind me. I feared for my life until a cop pulled him over probably for driving without headlights. I was lucky there was a cop since I was nearly out of gas! In another incident back in my college years, I went to a local park with a female companion and some guy was following us hiding behind bushes. After my female companion was freaked out we decided to leave the park adjacent to Weber State. We were parked near each other and as I was walking to my car I heard some rustling in some bushes, the creepy guy was still following me around. He approached me and asked me what I planned to do? I got in my car and left without answering his question and watched as he got out a notepad and jotted down my plate number. What did he think me and my female companion were up to? Does he think we were going to have sex in the park? Did he think I planned to rape my female companion? Obviously he either never contacted police or the police told him it was nothing as I never heard anything from the police. Of course what could the police do when a guy tells them he believes I was up to something and had my plate number but no evidence of my intentions of doing things. I also had someone confront me with a gun as I was taking care of a relatives house and the neighbor apparently thought I planned to rob his my relatives house. I kept explaining to him that I was taking care of his house but my neighbor continued asking what I was doing as if he can’t comprehend that someone like me is taking care of a relatives house and making sure it doesn’t get robbed while he is on vacation. I though for sure he was going to shoot me! It’s safe to say that with all the attention I get it would be impossible for me to get away with committing a crime! The funny thing about these nosy busybodies is they don’t realize that criminals need to blend in well with the crowd in order to be successful. Raising just one eyebrow could get you caught!

   With Aspergers and being different, it is difficult to enjoy life when you constantly miss out on things people take for granted or face problems such as harassment from others. In addition, a lot of people with Aspergers end up being alone for the rest of our life. A lot of people think we prefer to be alone because of how we act but we crave social acceptance and like any other human being we need social interactions with others such as friends. We also want to be loved by a special someone like everyone else. Sometimes it is hard for us to be intimate and there are even support groups for spouses of someone with Aspergers. One person did mention in one of my blogs that her husband probably has Aspergers and is also into feet but he isn’t meeting her needs. Unfortunately this is a common complaint among spouses of people who have Aspergers and people with Aspergers are at a much higher risk of getting divorced than the average person which is not too good when half of marriages between normal people end in divorce!